“Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.”
“Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward.”
“Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.”
“Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.”
“Some people see things that are and ask, ‘Why?’ Some people dream of things that never were and ask, ‘Why not?’ Some people have to go to work and don’t have time for all that.”
“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.”
“A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.”
“Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body.”
“That’s why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.”
“Just ‘cause you got the monkey off your back doesn’t mean that the circus has left town.”
“‘Bipartisan’ usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out.”
“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”
“The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.”
“Don’t just teach your children to read. Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.”
“We have multiplied our possessions but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We’ve learned how to make a living but not a life. We’ve added years to life, not life to years.”
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